Great words from a greater man:
"The most important thing in life is having pun."
-Jay
Monday, June 8, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Ancient Mythlology
We may be tying our own Zeus with this one, but it gave us some chuckles.
Did you guys and gals know there was a goddess of anorexia? Her name was Half-rodite.
Turns out, even though he was low-ranking, the messenger god was definitely immortal. Haven't you heard? Hermes are forever.
What do you call a part man, part bull, part chicken? Minotaur and feathered.
How about that half-man half horse guy who was all about himself? He was really self-centaured.
So how about that satyr? People really fauned all over him. It was like seeing the Beatles when he showed up: total Pandemonium.
Ladies and gentlemen, Medusa did not have a loveless marriage. Her husband was simply stone-faced. It did affect her self-esteem though; she couldn't stand to look at herself in the mirror.
-Josh/Nathan out
Did you guys and gals know there was a goddess of anorexia? Her name was Half-rodite.
Turns out, even though he was low-ranking, the messenger god was definitely immortal. Haven't you heard? Hermes are forever.
What do you call a part man, part bull, part chicken? Minotaur and feathered.
How about that half-man half horse guy who was all about himself? He was really self-centaured.
So how about that satyr? People really fauned all over him. It was like seeing the Beatles when he showed up: total Pandemonium.
Ladies and gentlemen, Medusa did not have a loveless marriage. Her husband was simply stone-faced. It did affect her self-esteem though; she couldn't stand to look at herself in the mirror.
-Josh/Nathan out
Thursday, May 28, 2009
On the Radio
It's a couple days late, but here's a list of songs we heard on the radio over Memorial Day weekend. It was a "Classic Hits/Dirty Movie Theme Songs" weekend marathon.
Spear it in This Guy
Build Her Up, Cup Her Butt
Gob On Your Nose
Baby, I Glove; You Splay
Fortunate Son
You Wear My Smell
I'll Cake You There
Gay Dripper
Listen What the Gland Says
House of the Rising Son
Spear it in This Guy
Build Her Up, Cup Her Butt
Gob On Your Nose
Baby, I Glove; You Splay
Fortunate Son
You Wear My Smell
I'll Cake You There
Gay Dripper
Listen What the Gland Says
House of the Rising Son
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
(Actually) Overheard
At the bbq joint, upon my asking for a to-go box.
My Buddy Zach: "Oh man, you had ribs to spare!"
Also, earlier: "Sitting on that stool all day was a pain...I don't wanna say it."
My Buddy Zach: "Oh man, you had ribs to spare!"
Also, earlier: "Sitting on that stool all day was a pain...I don't wanna say it."
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Line Toot
Our full kudos to the Gas-X people for their recent fart-joke commercials. As irreverent and "edgy" as television is trying to be these days (I'm looking at you, CBS), and as crappy as 90% of all internet humor undeniably is, it's great to see some good-ol' fart jokes on TV. Here's to you, Gas-X.
I saw this 30-second spot first.
Then this one came along. It's only fifteen seconds, but I think it's way better--shart butt sweet. Four jokes in fifteen seconds, improving on a couple of jokes from the first commercial and lays down the hammer with the insanely good and corny "line toot" joke at the end-- a truly solid fart (uh-oh) joke.
Oh yeah, and the music is all tuba.
I saw this 30-second spot first.
Then this one came along. It's only fifteen seconds, but I think it's way better--shart butt sweet. Four jokes in fifteen seconds, improving on a couple of jokes from the first commercial and lays down the hammer with the insanely good and corny "line toot" joke at the end-- a truly solid fart (uh-oh) joke.
Oh yeah, and the music is all tuba.
Overheard
"Naw dude, I prefer Penultimate Frisbee."
-Some Dude
"Really, man? That's my next to last favorite."
-Some Other Dude
-Some Dude
"Really, man? That's my next to last favorite."
-Some Other Dude
Monday, May 25, 2009
It is a fact puniversally acknowledged--and not a very surprising one, if you look at the guys--that at least half of all Queen song titles (check if you don't believe us) are also fully functional porno titles. Here's a list of some of the best, with dumb comments attached so I can feel like I did something:
Keep Yourself Alive--X THE WINDOW, X THE WINDOW
My Fairy King--On with your head!
Father to Son--Just a nice game of catch.
The Loser in the End--We don't recommend accepting a bet with these terms.
Ogre Battle--Bears are so last decade.
The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke--Based on a true story.
Flick of the Wrist--This is a short before the main attraction.
Now I'm Here--Our italics, added for emphasis. Get it?
In the Lap of the Gods-Loosey Zeusy. This joke sucks. Nathan wrote it, and now he'll never Hera the end of it. Sorry.
Misfire--We'll pretend it was an accident.
In In Love with My Car--No, seriously.
Tie Your Mother Down--This song actually is about gettin' down, but not in the way the title implies.
All Dead, All Dead--X THE WINDOW, X THE WINDOW!
Fight from the Inside--Possible thanks to the wonders of technology.
If You Can't Beat Them--Stump porn?
Dreamer's Ball--Hahahahaha
Coming Soon--This one is a suspense flick.
Put Out the Fire--The aftermath.
Under Pressure--DOGPILE!!!
Tear it Up
It's a Hard Life--He should probably consult his physician.
Hammer to Fall--Rocky 4-2: The Locker Room
Headlong
We've omitted obvious ones such as fat bottomed girls, because seriously--THERE ARE A LOT. We've also avoided ones that are already about boinking, and ones that could also be schmaltzy romance novels.
In case this post isn't funny, here is the awesomest Queen video. It captures everything that ruled about the band(INCLUDING (spoiler) Brian May playing air guitar in a Bart Simpson t-shirt):
Keep Yourself Alive--X THE WINDOW, X THE WINDOW
My Fairy King--On with your head!
Father to Son--Just a nice game of catch.
The Loser in the End--We don't recommend accepting a bet with these terms.
Ogre Battle--Bears are so last decade.
The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke--Based on a true story.
Flick of the Wrist--This is a short before the main attraction.
Now I'm Here--Our italics, added for emphasis. Get it?
In the Lap of the Gods-
Misfire--We'll pretend it was an accident.
In In Love with My Car--No, seriously.
Tie Your Mother Down--This song actually is about gettin' down, but not in the way the title implies.
All Dead, All Dead--X THE WINDOW, X THE WINDOW!
Fight from the Inside--Possible thanks to the wonders of technology.
If You Can't Beat Them--Stump porn?
Dreamer's Ball--Hahahahaha
Coming Soon--This one is a suspense flick.
Put Out the Fire--The aftermath.
Under Pressure--DOGPILE!!!
Tear it Up
It's a Hard Life--He should probably consult his physician.
Hammer to Fall--Rocky 4-2: The Locker Room
Headlong
We've omitted obvious ones such as fat bottomed girls, because seriously--THERE ARE A LOT. We've also avoided ones that are already about boinking, and ones that could also be schmaltzy romance novels.
In case this post isn't funny, here is the awesomest Queen video. It captures everything that ruled about the band(INCLUDING (spoiler) Brian May playing air guitar in a Bart Simpson t-shirt):
Sunday, May 24, 2009
THE DISCUSSION-Summer Movie Review
PORKY PIG in REPEAT OFFENDER
Summary:
Carl E. Tail (Porky Pig) is a pig on the lam in Repeat Offender. Every new step is a step in farm's way, as the authorities try to pin him with crimes he may or may not have committed. To feed the drama, we never find out if he is the pig behind the crime. The film culminates in a massive action sequence when Tail finally runs snout of options. Sounds promising, but what do in-house critics Josh and Nathan have to say?
Nathan:
"My chief complaint here is that the film seems to have trouble finding it's footing early on--it seems to just keep starting over and over again. Other than that, I think this is a solid, sizzling action movie.
Josh:
"I can't give it a similar vote of confidence. I think Porky really muddies this one up with his performance. As usual, he hams it up in front of the camera. I think his star quality is beginning to fade."
Nathan:
"I don't see what you're talking about, Josh. This movie is generating a lot of excitement, and should rock the box office. I think Porky will continue to bring home the bacon for years to come. If anything, I think we will see his star power continue to ingrease."
Josh:
"No way. This thing is rotten, and Porky just seems to be repeating himself in this role. He better make a break fast, or his career will be over. By this point, he's just rooting around for the easiest paycheck he can find."
Nathan:
"I think this is a great piece of pork."
Josh:
"I totally disagree. It's the same story for the star, the writers, the studio, the director, and everyone--This is just an act of stutter desperation."
Looks like we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Catch Repeat Offender in theaters this Hogust.
Summary:
Carl E. Tail (Porky Pig) is a pig on the lam in Repeat Offender. Every new step is a step in farm's way, as the authorities try to pin him with crimes he may or may not have committed. To feed the drama, we never find out if he is the pig behind the crime. The film culminates in a massive action sequence when Tail finally runs snout of options. Sounds promising, but what do in-house critics Josh and Nathan have to say?
Nathan:
"My chief complaint here is that the film seems to have trouble finding it's footing early on--it seems to just keep starting over and over again. Other than that, I think this is a solid, sizzling action movie.
Josh:
"I can't give it a similar vote of confidence. I think Porky really muddies this one up with his performance. As usual, he hams it up in front of the camera. I think his star quality is beginning to fade."
Nathan:
"I don't see what you're talking about, Josh. This movie is generating a lot of excitement, and should rock the box office. I think Porky will continue to bring home the bacon for years to come. If anything, I think we will see his star power continue to ingrease."
Josh:
"No way. This thing is rotten, and Porky just seems to be repeating himself in this role. He better make a break fast, or his career will be over. By this point, he's just rooting around for the easiest paycheck he can find."
Nathan:
"I think this is a great piece of pork."
Josh:
"I totally disagree. It's the same story for the star, the writers, the studio, the director, and everyone--This is just an act of stutter desperation."
Looks like we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Catch Repeat Offender in theaters this Hogust.
In the News...
MIME TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME
In Atlantic City, the story of Mr. Cy Lent has come under scrutiny. Once a well-known mime and family man, Mr. Lent is a silent husk of his once great self. His wife, one-time mime groupie Faye Spaint, divorced him recently claiming that she could "no longer take this charade of a marriage". She has taken his dog, children, the house, and his ladder. Cy Lent now lives in a box in the streets. When approached about his situation, he had no comment; at least, not that this reporter could tell. His friends claim that Lent has become morose and "unusually quiet." One friend, his manager Wyatt Gloves, said he thinks "Cy is at the end of his rope. I never would have thought it before, but I think he may be considering: one word, three syllables, sounds like flu-i-cide." Paramedics recently discovered Mr. Cy Lent in his box unresponsive and pale; however, he is now in the hospital and doctors expect him to pull through. This reporter thinks that's a very good thing; after all, a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
Fun Facts:
Did you know that a mime's donkey never berets?
Recently, a survey has shown that one in twelve people secretly harbor a desire to become silent clowns. Apparently, this dream is a mime a dozen.
NEW RULER MAKES SNOOZE
On the other side of the globe, in the tiny country of Uzbekilatvilvania, a new monarch was crowned yesterday. Apparently, the new ruler suffers from narcolepsy; however, since the ruler is mainly a figurehead by tradition in this tiny nation, this is not expected to pose a problem. The head of the country's pariliament had this to say: "The best thing about a sleepy king? It never reigns, but it snores."
-Josh/Nathan out
In Atlantic City, the story of Mr. Cy Lent has come under scrutiny. Once a well-known mime and family man, Mr. Lent is a silent husk of his once great self. His wife, one-time mime groupie Faye Spaint, divorced him recently claiming that she could "no longer take this charade of a marriage". She has taken his dog, children, the house, and his ladder. Cy Lent now lives in a box in the streets. When approached about his situation, he had no comment; at least, not that this reporter could tell. His friends claim that Lent has become morose and "unusually quiet." One friend, his manager Wyatt Gloves, said he thinks "Cy is at the end of his rope. I never would have thought it before, but I think he may be considering: one word, three syllables, sounds like flu-i-cide." Paramedics recently discovered Mr. Cy Lent in his box unresponsive and pale; however, he is now in the hospital and doctors expect him to pull through. This reporter thinks that's a very good thing; after all, a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
Fun Facts:
Did you know that a mime's donkey never berets?
Recently, a survey has shown that one in twelve people secretly harbor a desire to become silent clowns. Apparently, this dream is a mime a dozen.
NEW RULER MAKES SNOOZE
On the other side of the globe, in the tiny country of Uzbekilatvilvania, a new monarch was crowned yesterday. Apparently, the new ruler suffers from narcolepsy; however, since the ruler is mainly a figurehead by tradition in this tiny nation, this is not expected to pose a problem. The head of the country's pariliament had this to say: "The best thing about a sleepy king? It never reigns, but it snores."
-Josh/Nathan out
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Help Desk
Welcome to the Lethal Weapun Help Desk. We have a very dedicated readership, so we like to give back however we can. So, need some advice? Have a problem in your personal life? No problem is too big or small. E-mail your problem to us at contactpunderscoreus@gmail.com, and we'll see what we can do.
Irving Teechum asks:
"Dear Josh and Nathan,
I am having a problem with my 3rd grade class. During classroom activities, I always used to line up the kids in alphabetical order to preserve fairness. However, the children at the end of the alphabet became upset with this, so I started alternating between A-Z and Z-A. Still, the children in the middle of the alphabet felt a little left out. How can I resolve this?"
Simple, Mr. Teechum. Next time, just skip to Mai Liu.
-Nathan
A.T. Najer asks:
"Hi, Josh and Nathan. This is awkward, but, here we go....
I am just beginning to discover my sexuality, and I am very insecure in my...techniques. My lover says that I am okay at oral sex, but I just don't know. Should I try new, exotic techniques? Will this make me more desirable to my mate? HELP. Prom season is on the way!"
No need to worry, friend. Don't be so insecure, and trust your lover. Remember what they always say: If it taint scrot, don't licks it!
-Josh
Irving Teechum asks:
"Dear Josh and Nathan,
I am having a problem with my 3rd grade class. During classroom activities, I always used to line up the kids in alphabetical order to preserve fairness. However, the children at the end of the alphabet became upset with this, so I started alternating between A-Z and Z-A. Still, the children in the middle of the alphabet felt a little left out. How can I resolve this?"
Simple, Mr. Teechum. Next time, just skip to Mai Liu.
-Nathan
A.T. Najer asks:
"Hi, Josh and Nathan. This is awkward, but, here we go....
I am just beginning to discover my sexuality, and I am very insecure in my...techniques. My lover says that I am okay at oral sex, but I just don't know. Should I try new, exotic techniques? Will this make me more desirable to my mate? HELP. Prom season is on the way!"
No need to worry, friend. Don't be so insecure, and trust your lover. Remember what they always say: If it taint scrot, don't licks it!
-Josh
Welcome to Lethal Weapun
In the beginning, God created the Weapun and the mirth.
Hope you stay awhile! Fools were made to be roped in.
Hope you stay awhile! Fools were made to be roped in.
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